Long time no blog!

Well, yes. It has been quite a while since I put myself into writing a good piece. To be honest, I did write three posts, very very intense and quite personal ones. Somehow when it was shaping up, it gave me such a feeling of comfort, of having poured out and explored all my feelings, I thought I would treasure it all to myself. A strict no-no for public reading! Lets keep it precious, for atleast sometime now, until my mind and heart say otherwise.

This new year's didn't actually ring in on a very high note, not even a reasonably high one, coz of the really saddening Ramesh mama's sudden death. It gripped me and I find myself going into an unknown thought process once in a while even now. I am probably the least directly affected because of his sudden demise, but it did have such a huge inexplicable impact on me and my thought processes. Given the way i still feel, I can't even think how my folks are going to get out of it and if at all they would, being directly affected by his untimely demise. The world suddenly shrinks into an emptiness and somehow you go on a questioning mode, that infact adds to the worries, than mitigating it.

Maybe a good happening during this period would have changed the gloom, but what followed mama's demise was a cold spring harbor reject and heartbreakingly on pongal - my dream - UT health sci center at Houston reject. Something I assumed that would have a probability of 1 - I was so sure of getting it. Infact that was the first university I shortlisted. Happy place, wonderful university, a senior there to help me through practical issues, an interdisciplinary course, a considerable Indian population in the city, (translating into good food, obviously) affordable cost of living - just what the doctor ordered! I went to the extent of discovering more about life in Houston and the Meenakshi temple there! But alas, some things are just not meant to be! As usual, I hope something better awaits me.

Moving on, for a person like me, don't know if being wired like this is good or bad, a bliss or bane. I get interested in things I thought I would never give a darn about. Blogging, Tweeting are classical examples. Infact, that makes career choices all the more tough for me. I get drawn into things, varied and sometimes weird for someone of my age and nature, so much, and surprisingly, the interest is sustained very well. The most recent example being some philosophical issues. Indeed, they do have a point. All that we have known all along, seem to assume a whole new meaning sometimes. Exploring this is fun, really, and I never thought it could be the slightest of fun before actually reading up and listening to such stuff. I do notice a change in me, don't know why. My choices and priorities are different from what they used to be, and the world appears in a totally new perspective. Don't know if this change is transient, don't know if really something about me has changed, don't know if i am right or wrong, still, there has been a change is all that I can feel.

So, coming back to mundane talk, life is in a standstill now. Bored beyond description doing non-descript things that seem the least productive. And the to-do list i have would never shorten anytime soon I guess, though I did watch a couple of movies from that list. It's a strange feeling - you want to and you have a million things to be done, you do none of them and feel bored for having nothing to do and guilty for not having done anything. Maybe that's what people call with that four-lettered word - l-a-z-y.! The bioinformatics project, is running, not gaining momentum. Maybe the only reason for this lull might be that I miss a few friends when I need them the most, or maybe, the change that has happened in me is doing bad things to me?? Can't really say if it is good or bad, because the change wasn't a conscious one after all. Let's stop at that.

Right now, hoping, praying and wishing for admits to come my way, to steer clear of all the confusions surrounding me and see a clear picture emerge of what I am doing, sans any confusion or more issues. As usual, In God I Trust. The burden is off your shoulders this way and it is truly amazing! Pray for me brother! Pray for me sister!